My name is Richie T. Najor. I was born near Detroit, Michigan in 1969. I am a deaf man and aspiring filmmaker. The cause of my deafness is unknown. It is possible that I lost my hearing in the womb when my mother contracted German Measles. The other possibility is that I lost my hearing when I had a high fever when I was only a few months old. Doctors said I was hard of hearing, but I thought my hearing was normal. I thought I was hearing everything. I wore two hearings aids at an early age. I consider myself Deaf, and by that I mean that I am involved in the Deaf community. I am fluent in American Sign Language. I also speak, but I may not speak with a normal voice. Still, most people understand me.

As a young boy, my folks worried about my future as a deaf person. They wanted me to blend into society where I could speak and become independent. They didn't know how to raise a deaf child. Back then, there weren't many books available about deafness nor were there any advocates of deafness that could have helped guide them. It was a confusing time for them.

My parents noticed that I wasn't getting the education I was supposed to get. They searched for a school for the deaf and found a Catholic school in St. Louis, Missouri. It was a difficult decision for my parents knowing that I would move away to attend a school for the deaf for 8 years. At the deaf school I was taught speech, lip reading and general education classes. The schools policy didn't allow deaf students to learn sign language. My parents feared I would never speak once I learned sign language. My classmates and I often made up home sign language to communicate with each other. We often got into trouble and were scolded by teachers, nuns and priests for using sign language.

One weekend in 1982, as a pre-teen, I saw a music video on television entitled, "Live Wire" performed by Motley Crue. My first impression of them was that they were very loud and rude. At the same time, I was fascinated with all the images they were using. They seemed to defy authority and be hell raisers. Guess what? I wanted to be like them. The only problem was that I disliked their music at first. I wasn't familiar with heavy metal. A year later, I grew to hate my school for several reasons. I became rowdy, rebellious, hell bent and I started chasing deaf girls.

One afternoon, my roommate and I decided to sneak out of the dorm to escape boredom. We wanted to see what kind of trouble we could get into. We ended up at Target. In the music section I thought of the boom box I had gotten for Christmas. I picked up Motley Crue's "Shout at the Devil". The title of the album captured my attention. I thought it would be perfect for me to play at my catholic school to piss off everyone. I asked my roommate, "What are you going to steal?" He had a bunch of candy. He said, "You?" I showed him the Motley Crue tape. He looked at me and thought I was nuts to get into evil things. I hid the tape in the back of my pants. We took several more things and we were very nervous to walk out of the store. Someone grabbed me. I knew we were busted. They searched us, but never found the tape because it slid down my pants. I sat uncomfortably on a chair with a wild imagination of what kind of music I'd be listening to. I considered the tape a "Holy Grail."

Back in my dorm, "Shout at the Devils," blared from my room. My dorm supervisor heard my boom box. Rick entered my room and saw me reading the lyrics to the music. I was out of synch and sang the words off-key. He helped me to get on track. He said, "The music is terrible but I'm glad to see you're listening for practice but you're playing it too loud, you will damage your ears!" I thought to myself "my ears are already damaged." He reminded me I would lose more hearing if I kept on playing loud music. I held back for a bit but I wanted to go against authority and I said, "I want to piss off the nuns and priests." When he saw me trying hard to follow the lyrics, he knew I wasn't really trying to piss off anyone. He knew I was desperate to understand music. He asked, "Why do you listen to them?" I replied in an angry tone, "I'm trying to practice each word from the lyrics. But I can't. I can only hear the title of the song. It seems forbidden, untouchable and I feel like I'm suffocating in music." Rick allowed me to play loud music as long as I kept the door closed. I listened to Motley Crue over and over as well as other bands. Motley Crue has always been one of my favorites because of their sound. It never stays the same and I am fascinated with Nikki Sixx's lyrics.

In my 30's, I was grateful to find a dream job in the film industry at post-production in Los Angeles. I met a producer, Steve M., in Chicago, IL after I completed my film degree at Columbia College in Chicago, IL. One of crew told me that I spoke very loud and yet it appeared I could barely hear them or myself. Years ago, doctors had warned me that I would lose my hearing as I got older. I was only 33 years old. I didn't expect it would happen that soon. I was not fully prepared for it and I became frustrated. I often misunderstood people on the job or places where people would speak to me. Some of them were patient with me. On the job, they saw that I worked hard and refused to give up. I literally gave up listening to music. For a while, I had music in my mind, and I was going to carry on like that for the rest of my life.

Adam D., an assistant editor on "We Were Soldiers" in post-production, mentioned to me that his friend had a cochlear implant. I was curious to find out more information. A cochlear implant is a device that helps people hear through a machine that is inserted inside the cochlea in the middle ear. Adam made arrangements for me to meet his friend who led me to UCLA hospital to get a cochlear implant. It was fate at some point. I relocated to LA, and the producer hired me for his film. I met his crew. I ended up getting a cochlear implant on my left ear. It was perfect timing.

August 19th 2002, at UCLA Hospital, they activated my cochlear implant for me and I heard for the first time. The first sound I heard was someone tapping on a keyboard. I followed the sound and saw fingers typing on the keyboard. It was an interesting sound that I was shocked to hear.

A few seconds later, I heard footsteps. I saw this guy in front of my eyes. I wasn't sure if I was dreaming. I had to pinch myself. I heard him say, "Hi, Richie, can you hear me now?" His voice was a birth of sound that went through my cochlear implant. For the first time in my life it was clear. I was about to say something but he grabbed me and hugged me. The bassist, songwriter and founder of Motley Crue, Nikki Sixx, was in the same room with me along with his wife, Donna. I was very moved and completely forgot about my cochlear implant when I talked to him and told him how much it meant to have them visit me.

My friend, Cadichon, had made arrangements to have Nikki Sixx be part of a documentary about my cochlear implant. Nikki's voice and music is the greatest gift I could ask for.

It's been 3 years since I got my cochlear implant. With my cochlear implant, I have ups and downs. I realize I've been deaf most of my life. Sometimes, I miss being deaf because it was simple for me just to use hearing aids rather than hearing everything. One thing I learned is that cochlear implants are not for everyone. One of these days, when this documentary is finished, you'll understand why I'm a stranger to this world of sounds.

Often I turn to music to give me emotional support and to make me feel better. Music reminds me that I made a choice to commit to a cochlear implant. I must find a way to adjust my lifestyle with a cochlear implant. I'm still taking baby steps to recognize sounds.

One of my proudest moments was after a year and half of practicing with lyrics of, "Home Sweet Home" I can now follow through word by word but I'm still working on "Shout at the Devils." Once in a while, I hear and recognize a Motley Crue song on the radio, I smile and think of Nikki Sixx's voice and that sound will never fade away.

Music is no longer unknown, forbidden, and untouchable. I struggled a long time to understand music. No one will ever take music away from me ever again.

Motley Crue played in Detroit, Michigan on August 24, 2005. My fourteen years old nephew and I met briefly with Nikki, Mick, Tommy and Vince. The band signed autographs on my nephew's book on his birthday. I want to say, "Thanks" to everyone who was involved with me and I wish you all well. Lastly, thank you to Motley Crue for making us feel alive.

Best regards,

richie t. najor the deaf punk rocker